I'm back...again.

Ok, so I was back in June after I had weathered the new baby storm. Now, I am back after several other storms. What storms you say? Well, if you don't know then it's one of two things. 1. You are not that close to me (blunt? perhaps but these are very personal storms). 2. You are too close to me and I haven't had the opportunity or right words to say to you to completely fill you in. Also, it could be that I just don't know how to tell you everything that happened in such a way that it could make sense to you.
A very good friend of mine and brother in Christ, Terry Colobrese (so close I may have misspelled his last name) once said to me, "Jay, I would never want to go through what I've gone through ever again. Yet, I wouldn't ever give up what I've learned." I now know what he was talking about...and more. You see, I would go through it again. I now know my/our Lord and Savior in such a deep and intimate way, I understand so much more of life, I know exactly what God wants from and for me, more than ever before. I would go through it again...and I'm sure to a degree, though through different circumstances, I will.
I will be posting a lot of the things that I've learned so that you too can share in the blessings that God has (warning: church word ahead) bestowed upon me. I will start with just one of them.
God delights in you. Yes, He loves you. Yes, He cares for you. Further, He DELIGHTS in you. Not what you have done, not how you have performed for Him, not what you have said or anything like that...He simply delights in you. That's why He made you. That's why He died for you. That's why He is ready and waiting to love you and meet your every need. That's why on your worst day He is crying with/for you. That is why He eagerly waits to hear from you.
Now, is that really news? Did I not know that? Sure, my left brain (the analytical side) knew that. Heck, I've probably told many of you that. But I get it. I really get it. You see, I was burdened by my performance for Him. I believed He loved me and I repaid Him (a flaw in and of itself in my own theology for believing we can repay Him) by disobeying and doing things in my own strength. I could swear that His was a "yeah but" kind of love. I knew it wasn't but it always felt that way. I have been able to understand and more importantly feel His love for me. Not because of anything I have done, but because of who He is.
I will post again of more specific things I have learned. In the meantime, stop and ask Jesus, "What do you think of me?" and then sit and be quiet and listen. Those aren't your words in your head, they are His. Don't believe me? Test it. Throw in, "disappointed" or "disgusted" as if He were saying that to you. See if you don't feel Him saying, "NO"...I did. He will tell you how He feels about you in your heart. Trust it and don't excuse it away.
I will be talking to you soon. Never hesitate to give me the opportunity to love you. Call me or email me and let me know what you need...even if it's just to be there.