He has risen indeed....and left candy!

Rachel is a great mother. Folks tell me that I'm a good dad and I guess I believe them. Yet, we both admit that we struggle in one area...holidays. It seems that most, if not all, of our friends have cute traditions with their kids around the holidays. We just got our Easter decorations out this past Monday. Did we take our kids to see the Easter Bunny? Do we want them to have nightmares? The answer to both is, "no". So, this morning, Junior and Bella came downstairs to see what the Easter Bunny had left for them. After reassuring Junior that this uniquely talented sugar pushing Santa like rabbit had left the room and was not going to get him, the baskets were discovered. We put their card from Grandma in each of the baskets. Filled with candy, fruit, fruit snacks, and froot roll ups (ain't no "fruit" in those) I asked Junior what was his favorite thing in his basket. He replied, "The favorite thing I got from Grandma was...". I replied, "Woooooaaaa, the card is from Grandma, everything else is from the Easter bunny." He picked up a can of Delmonte fruit (that he gets very often from Grandma's) and said, "I know that this came from Grandma." I told him, "No, buddy. The Easter bunny and grandma just shop at the same store. That's why grandma always has carrots on her. They are for the Easter bunny." For the record...
1. Grandma does not always have carrots on her...she better start 'cause a certain 6 and 4 year old will be asking to see them.
2. Junior can read and write. Yet, he buys the "Grandma and the Easter bunny shop at the same store." line.
3. When your children are way too sick for Easter dinner at their aunt's house (but don't know that we are not going yet) and climb into your bed in the morning and the first thing out of their mouth is, "Will we be playing games at the Easter party today?" your heart breaks into a million pieces...twice.
4. A promise of an outdoor and indoor Easter egg hunt, the video of "Toy Story" (which they haven't seen and Bella is already afraid of), some brand new sidewalk chalk, a game of Candyland and Chutes and Ladders, and much love from Daddy and Mommy can get them to forget about the "other Easter party" and excited about having our own.

I suppose that the disciples didn't wake up on Easter Sunday excited either. Yet, He did Rise. He has risen. He rises within us everyday. He rises within us and equips us to help those that are so alone even if they are surrounded by so many. He delights over us. He has risen indeed...but it was the Easter bunny that left the candy... that he bought while shopping with Grandma.

Regret

I was supposed to speak at my nephew Tyler's Junior High Bible Club meeting this morning before school. It was going to be awesome. I was to pick him up at 6:30, take him to school, and speak from 7:00 to 7:45. I really love, and like, Tyler. He is way older than his age and when I am with him I forget that he is 25 or so years younger than me. He is very talented and great to be around. I'm sure that one of the things that I like about him is that he likes me, a lot. It's a constant heavy feeling I have for Tyler in that I don't spend much time with him. I would love to be there for him more. He is really special to me and doesn't have much evidence to believe that. That is one of the reasons why this morning was to be so special for me. Another is that I love to speak and looked forward to blessing them with whatever the Lord would bring. I was even excited to take Tyler to school so my brother wouldn't have to. There are many reasons I was excited to be there with and for Tyler this morning.
Yet, I was not there. Car crash? Kids sick? House fire? Did I finally get in the fist fight I've been looking for all these years (read "Wild at Heart"...you'll understand)? No, I set my alarm, turned it on, and turned all of the sound off of my phone. Thus, I slept in. When Rachel's alarm went off at the time I should have been walking into the school with Tyler, my heart sank. I called my brother's cell phone and apologized to Tyler and Tommy (my brother...you probably know him as Tom).
There is nothing I can do. Could it have been worse? Sure. There could have been a fire, sickness, fights, etc. On a simpler note, I could have simply turned the alarm off after waking up or hit the snooze too many times. That would have been worse I guess. No, I just turned the sound off of my phone like I do every night. I am filled with regret.

Should he stay or should he go?

In a bible study the other evening, we went over 2Cor2: 12-13. Paul writes...

¹²Now when I went to Troas to preach the gospel of Christ and found that the Lord had opened a door for me, ¹³I still had no peace of mind, because I did not find my brother Titus there. So I said good-by to them and went on to Macedonia.

The point of our lesson was that things in ministry (and in following Christ for that matter) just don't always go the way we feel they should. The side story is that the bible is so amazing in that it is real. Things go wrong. Everything is not perfect. If "man" were fabricating a "holy book" it would seem perfect. I digress.
My question is this. Should Paul have left Troas? Too often, I believe people feel that everything Paul did was perfect. Not true. I see it two ways.
1. Paul should not have left. God opened the door. Paul, looking at earthly things instead of God's provision and plan, was discouraged and bolted. He should have stayed.
2. Paul mentions having no, "peace of mind". This is his explanation of feeling that although the Lord opened the door, that He was now telling him to not continue.
Your thoughts?

Moses moments

Did you ever feel called to something? Hard question, I know. Have you ever wanted to do something? Sure. Have you ever had to do something? Sure. But called? If you don't follow Christ this may even be strange term. Oh, perhaps you are a cat freak and know that owning 12 cats, dressing them like people and giving them children's names is your calling but I believe I'm talking about something different. Have you been called by God to do something for Him?
I think that this is a tough question for two reasons. One, many of us are called by God and yet we are afraid. We don't want to do that which God has called us to do. We say we aren't sure and hem and haw. We make up every practical excuse as to not follow through. These are people who have not had a lot of people support them in life ("I haven't even done the simple things right in life. How could I pull this off?" They worry.) They haven't been accepted much in their world ("What if I fail?" their fear tells them). They lack a good bit of comfort when things go wrong ("It hurts too much to screw up" they realize). They eventually stall long enough and the Lord releases them to ineffectiveness and faith threatening luke warmness. Two, many others of us, and sometimes the same people as the first, get called to something we really want to do. It's a perfect fit with little inherent dangers. Yet, we hesitate. Why would God make it this easy or transparent? I should have to suffer more. This is too perfect of a fit we say. These could be people who haven't had much affection ("How could God make it so easy for me?" they surmise). They, like the first group may have not had much attention growing up and thus feel unworthy of a calling at all ("Who am I to have a calling from God after all?" they think). We all have emotional needs that haven't been met. They hamper our abilities to hear from God in many ways. I'm just guessing at a few here.
I'm in a different place. I know what God wants me to do. I'm clear in His calling. Yet, I wonder (that's a self protective way to say, "I'm scared and lack faith and am full of self doubt."). Yes, I "wonder" how God is going to pull this off? Will He? Sure. Will He use me? Sure. But how? Can I screw it up? What if I'm wrong? What if I don't answer the call with what I am required? Moses did the same thing. God called him to some big time things. If you aren't sure what I'm talking about you can check it out. It's chronicled in a history book called, I believe, the Bible. Check out the first part of the book and it will lead you there.
Moses gave God every excuse. The problem was, he was focusing on himself, not God. I'm doing the same. Should I? No. Do I? Yes. Why? Well, growing up, I lacked a good bit of comfort, didn't always get the support I needed..........hmmmmm, it's easier to point it out in others like I did earlier. I'll just keep moving forward and follow His lead. It worked for Moses.

If you don't have kids you don't understand...

So I had to discipline Isabella Sunday night. Ok, I yelled at her. She was way too wound up for bed time and wasn't listening. I felt bad so I had a quiet moment with her. I said, "Bella, I want you to know that even though I get angry with you that I love you very much. Nothing will ever change that." She replied, "Really? You will always love me? Even if I put tweezers in your mouth?" Junior chimes in, "Even when we're dead?". Me, "Let's go to bed kids."
Yesterday I was not feeling well. I had some sinus congestion and had a bit of a headache (I never get headaches so any headache bothers me quite a bit). Yes, I engaged my "holistic don't get sick" solution and am better today. Anyhow, let's just say I was a bit "short" with the kids if not downright crabby. So, when Junior was taking a bath I told him, "Junior, daddy didn't feel well today. I'm sorry if I wasn't as fun as normal. I want you to know that I think that you are great and that I love you." As he was putting shamoo in his hands in the shape of a circle he replies, "Hey dad, it looks like a lemon." Well son, I'm glad we could have this talk...

Childhood games...

My good friend Steve Czaban if you dare was talking about his father who is turning 70 this weekend. He went down memory lane and discussed how his dad got him a football at a Redskins game as a kid, sand for a sand trap that Steve had dug in his backyard, and didn't freak out when he built a field goal post out of quarter round (that was supposed to be for their house). It got me to thinking about my lonely childhood. Steve's dad always facilitated his games, and even coached, but like any dad he worked a lot. My father worked a lot as well. The guys on Czaban's show made fun of how he had so many made up games and that he seemed like he had no friends...he didn't argue. Living on a dead end street, having friends come over involved moms and driving and was frankly, pretty rare. Here are some of the ways I passed the time.
1. Like Czaban, I kicked field goals. I would put the seats of the picnic table on end on top of the table at either end. Meticulously balanced, the worked to perfection. I would stand in the other half of the yard (our front yard was separated by a short driveway, thus making two halves...actually 1/3 and 2/3's) and kick every type of football I had (real, good, crappy, nerf, etc.). It would always be the game winning attempt and if I missed there was always a penalty. I would then kick again...until I made it...never a penalty when I made the field goal.
2. I would throw this rubber/cork baseball off of the stone wall in our front yard. Because it was made of several layers of stone the bounce was unpredictable. If I fielded it cleanly I would throw it again and having fielded it cleanly again the "batter" was out. If not, an error. If I didn't field it cleanly in the first place it was a hit. On the ground was a single. In the air and off of the wall of the house, a double. Off of the living room window a triple (and very scary). Off of the roof a home run. I had the entire Pirates and Phillies line ups memorized and I pitched/fielded for both teams. The Pirates always won.
3. I would "pepper" with a volleyball off of the roof. I would serve it into the part that came to a "v". It would roll down and I would forearm pass it back on to the roof, set it onto the roof, then hit a roll shot one more time and repeat with a forearm pass. As long as it didn't go over the roof (which invariably it did) it was a blast.
4. I once stretched a volleyball net from the roof to the fence post of our street (our yard was below street level). I would then throw the ball onto the roof which would then bounce as if it was a set. I would take an approach and swing for a kill. Ingenious but boring as crap chasing the ball into the weeds every hit...it didn't last long.
5. I would spend countless hours chipping golf balls from one side of the yard to the other. It was challenging to not hit the elevated driveway wall as the ball would come back flying at midsection level. Further, a hit that would go long would disappear forever down the hill. We also had a flag pole tucked in the further corner of our 1/3rd yard. A true challenge to get it all of the way back there without losing it.
6. Evel Knievel was my hero and very often I would put on my skateboarding helmet (we didn't wear helmets to bike back then) and jump off of the curb into my neighbors yard (also below street level). I'm still not aware how I didn't get broke.
7. There was always "annoy the crap out of my sisters" but they needed to be there to play that and they got wise and rarely showed.
8. As a very young boy I remember playing army against...the wind. I would hide behind things and try not to get hit by...the wind. I lost so much I quit. My imagination had it's limits.

Wow, there should be ten...but there weren't. It clearly was a simpler time back then. I don't remember freaking out about Jimmy Carter and inflation or housing interest rates, let alone the gas shortages. I just needed a game to play. Anyone up for some home run derby?

Valentine's advice

Yes, two new posts in 12 hours...how about that.

A few quick pointers for this most contrived of all Hallmark Holidays. Some of these are borrowed from my good friend Erik Kuselias of ESPN radio, the rest are mine...you figure it out.
1. If she has to work today, you better get something delivered to her there. By four o'clock she will want you dead as others get their gifts and she doesn't.
2. Please make it something she wants, not something you want her to want. Sexy this, or smelly that is not what she's looking for (if she doesn't already like it).
3. If she says it's not important to her, get her something anyhow...just do it.
4. If she says it's not important and really means it, you are blessed. Buy her something anyhow.
5. Make her a card, don't buy one. If you are not creative, just write a note (more than two lines) it will go much farther than a $4 card.
6. Ladies, agree to do something with him that he knows you don't want to do, and enjoy it (sports event, his restaurant, his t.v.).
7. DO NOT BUY HIM FLOWERS.
8. For you married women, hit the Victoria's Secret like it's a pinata and you don't have a blindfold.
9. Ladies, you may buy us something you like us to wear (clothes, perfume). We are not scared or sensitive (this doesn't work the other way around, see #2) and would love to know you like what we look like or smell like.
10. For my unattached readers, when you ask someone out for a first date ask them to go for ice cream at the best place in town. If they say no, it's you. Everyone likes ice cream.

Many posts all at once...(updated)

Ok, I admit it. I haven't posted in way too long. I really appreciate all/both of you that told me to post again. I also admit that I am having an unbelievably good Friday night. Yes, I am here at Lowe's (Ryan, not the Home Depot knock off) blogging, while watching an MMA card that is streaming live on Sherdog.com (that includes Ken Shamrock, who has lost 7 of his last 8 fights, fighting a dude who is 6'8" tall and weighs 385 pounds...and has lost 5 of HIS past 6 fights), and watching the NBA rookie/sophomore All Star game (kind of), the whole time eating pizza. There are some other things I'd rather be doing...just not many.
Anyhow, I have been super busy and have had many posts in my mind. Thus, I will put them here in quasi-list fashion. If you want to hear more about any of the items, let me know...I will expand.
*The last two days for me have been "No thinking" days. I have had such little sleep that I do not allow myself to think. I don't mean to not think at all. I'm talking about thinking about the future, about where things go from here, how I'm going to provide for my family and what God's plan entails on a detail basis. Being so tired I would spiral downward into negativity and cynicism. I tell you what, it's been nice.
*Speaking of thinking, I have found out lately that I think a lot more than most people. Not better mind you, just more. The other day Rachel and I were talking and after Rachel talked for about 30 seconds I asked her if she wanted to hear what I was thinking about while she was talking (I had told her about my hyper thinking). Of course I was thinking about what she was talking about but much more. It took me 3 minutes to explain all that I was thinking about for those 30 seconds.
*I would like to thank Alex Rodriguez for his steroid use. I went almost six moths without hearing the words, "TAINTed sample". Tee hee hee. I laugh every time.
*Further, why is the identity of the source that outed A-Rod's steroid use so protected while the actual test was supposed to be "anonymous"? Shouldn't that be protected?
*The stimulus package is a slap in the face to all Americans...except those who want big socialized government.
*24 and Lost are ridiculously great shows. They look at the phrase "jump the shark" and say, "We are jump the shark".
*This MMA show "WarGods" is partially sponsored by "Wasabi".
*Michael Phelps gets high in November and is ridiculed (appropriately). Santonio Holmes gets high in November and becomes Super Bowl MVP (...also appropriately).
*The Grammy's confirmed, once again, that I (and we, if you follow Christ) are not from this world and do not belong here.
*My Saturn has over 108,000 miles on it. A good buy.
*A senator tried to add an amendment to the "stimulus" bill that would mandate that all construction workers for any of the projects had to be United States citizens. They wouldn't even bring it to a vote. Yes, union workers, your Democratic elected leaders love illegal immigrants more than they love you.
*There is a huge difference between being broken personally and going through a Godly brokenness . The first, you are sorry for what you've lost...personally. The second, you are sorry for what you have done and how it affects God. A Godly brokenness is the only one that leads to repentance.
*Seek to understand how you've hurt someone long before you ask for forgiveness.
*The real reason for this recession/depression is simple. Government forced on greedy banks/mortgage firms to relax regulations on lending. "Owning a home is a right" they basically told them. They lent to people they wouldn't normally lend to (people who couldn't afford the loans). When they defaulted (didn't pay) the banks got screwed. The government then bailed them out...with your money. Other industries saw this and said, "Hey, we want money too." and it started. With this stimulus bill the government is borrowing money to fix past mistakes (and spending a ton on ridiculous pet projects). Have you ever heard of people paying off one credit card with another? Ever heard of paying one bill and letting others go? Have you ever heard of this being a good idea? No, it's horrible and every financial analyst will tell you not to do it. Yet, this is exactly what our government is doing...and worse.
*The Onion News Network (I think they are new but they have some good reports) reports that the real cause of the recession is that everyone gave their money to Obama's campaign fund...that's funny.

Feeling ill?

No, not an "anti - Obama" post. Not a "hey, how does it feel Arizona?" post. No, it begins with a confession.
I used to be a antibiotic addict. No, it wasn't for the rush of dry mouth or the need to be disciplined enough to remember to take 3 pills the size of Rosie O'Donnell's sweat drops (what the?) each day. It was because I would get roughly 3 sinus infections each year. Sinus' drain down the back of my throat day one, sneeze like crazy day two, stuffy head and nose day three through seven, and then asthma and chest congestion for the duration. Sometimes I would get a prescription for a decongestant the size of Oprah Winfrey's hypocrisy (a crack at her postmodern theology, not her weight) and forget which I was supposed to take two of and either be really decongested or not at all. Also, not good to mix with two glasses of champagne on New Years eve at Michael and Michele's house in 2000. Not drunk, just vomiting for hours quietly so no one would have less of a good time. I figured back then there had to be a better way.
A guy we had on staff suggested echinacia to me. Being that he had an extensive narcotic background (as in, did drugs. Way in the past though we would joke about it a lot. He would laugh so hard he'd cry, only I never saw him laugh...just cry). I figured it to be highly suspect if not illegal. I mean, cocaine could clear your sinuses too but has it's drawbacks. I didn't trust him. So I tried it, the echinacia not the cocaine. I stand here today free of antibiotics for 9 years.
I have learned a few things about herbal supplements.
1. I don't take them everyday. When I start to feel my sinus' drain, I start popping. Usually, it stops there. It never, ever stopped there before echinacea
2. As I have spread the love about echinacia I have found that one should only buy it at GNC or Vitamin World. They will guarantee you how much of the supplement is in each capsule. Other brands do not do that. I buy the Herbal Plus Standardized Extract, 100 -500mg capsules from GNC for about $16.
3. Many studies have "proven" it doesn't work. Granted, these studies have been funded by the medical or pharmaceutical industries who have every reason to not want it to work but there's nothing to see here...move along.
4. I nice boost of emergen-C (powdered vitamin c) will help as well when you are ill. Ummm, make sure you mix it with water and don't eat it like a Dip n Stick (remember that crazy candy and how sad you were when it was gone and you ate the stick)?
5. I have probably had 3 or 4 full blown infections over the past 9 years but they have lasted no more than a week when I treat it with my herbal attack. I used to go to the doctor for my antibiotic after one week and it would then last two more.
6. I nice pick me up when you are ill or near ill is one of favorite finds...5 hour energy. I could post about this bad boy all by itself, and perhaps I will soon but it helps too. I will sip on one for a few hours (rather than drink all 2 oz. at once as usual). It is chock full of B6 and B12 vitamins and other good stuff. I have found it to help.
7. If my throat is a little scratchy I take Halls Sugar Free Vitamin C drops. Tasty and another boost of Vitamin C. Just don't take too many. Your lips will get those nasty splits/cracks that remind you of the time you let your mouth touch the water fountain.
8. There are many in the zinc or Airborne product line camps. More power to them. The zinc and vitamin C don't like each other so I pass on the zinc. The Airborne is fine but is just a mix of all of the things I take in larger quantities.
All that being said, our society is way too dependent on drugs and prescriptions. I want to save my antibiotics for when I get something nasty (probably from a hospital visit and unrelated to the reason I was there in the first place). If you have any of your own remedies, I want to hear them. I'm always open to new thoughts. An ex-something of mine once said, "Your problem is, you always think you're right." Yeah, YOU'RE right. I should walk around thinking, "I'm sure I'm wrong...tell me what to think. Well, that's what the drug companies want me to believe. I will tell you this. If I only think that all of the above help me...and THAT helps me? Boo yeah! Nine years free of Anti-biotics my man, nine years.
Lastly, what's the deal with all of this "pro-biotic" stuff being good for you? Does that mean the anti-biotics are really...really bad? Do they not like each other? Sharks vs. the Jets kind of thing? I'm out of my league here.

The Mount Rushmore of...

Borrowing an idea from ESPN I want to compile a list of the Mount Rushmore's of. I implore you to contribute on this one. You may either comment on my or others lists but you may also leave a list of your own. Here's how it works.
Pick a category that you are passionate about. Who are the 4 most important figures that represent that passion? It is for all time, not just current or recent accomplishments.
One of the main reasons why I like this is because it is almost impossible to be negative. If you are going to earnestly put someone on the list, the only argument is why someone else thinks there is a better choice, not that yours is undeserving. Thus, you pretty much have to argue for something, not against something else. Those listed are not in any order...just top 4. That being said...here are some of my Mount Rushmore's.

The Mount Rushmore of:

Performers: Bruce Sprinsteen, Barenaked Ladies, Frank Sinatra, Dave Matthews.

Comedians: Bill Cosby, Richard Pryor, Lewis Black, Brian Regan.

MMA: Dana White, Royce Gracie, Randy Couture, Mark Ratner (former Nevada State Athletic Commisioner who now works to legalize MMA across the country).

YL character: Pumpkin Head, Duct Tape Man, Dan Dan the Music Man, Hoagie Guy.

Women I've dated: Just kidding.

Crappy but Awesome TV shows: Pick Up Artist, Rock of Love/ROL Charm School, Real World (the Godfather of them all), Family Guy.

Inspirational/Motivational People: Martin Luther King Jr., Jim Valvano , Dick Hoyt, Randy Pausch.

Offensive but Awesome TV characters: Archie Bunker, Vic Mackey, House, Sawyer (Lost).

Pittsburgh Athletes (from Pgh teams): Mario Lemieux, Honus Wagner, Roberto Clemente, Terry Bradshaw.

People as an audience: Brian Von Bloch, Joe Hines, Rachel, My mother.

To be continued...

From cynicism to heartfelt hope...yeah...hope.

Cynicism
1. They chanted "Na na, na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye" to George Bush from the west lawn of the capital as he arrived...nice, respectful.
2. I have never seen so many people (including George Bush the daddy) not praying when there is a public prayer (during Rick Warren's prayer). So many people looking around, not paying attention, and the applause? You don't erupt in applause at a time like that? And don't tell me it's a charismatic or "Pentecostal' thing. It just gave me the feeling that God really isn't important to a lot of the people in Washington (hardly a bulletin).
3. Speaking of Warren. Really? A goatee? Why didn't he just rock a tech vest?
4. Reid, Pelosi, Feinstein make me want to fight.
5. Hillary tries to fight Sen. Cornyn in the Rotunda during lunch? Does she get three days out of school for that?
6. Kennedy and Byrd go down at the same lunch? I actually felt bad for Obama.
7. No one mentioned the single largest plunge in the stock market for an inauguration day. I suppose he is not wall streets savior. Yet, the networks shan't mention that.
8. $70 million for Bush was excessive but $170 for this inauguration is not news.
9. I'm nitpicking here but I didn't like Michele's olive gloves...I'm just saying and I felt I should get this to ten.
10. IT REALLY BUGS ME (LIKE, ALL IN CAPS BUGS ME) THAT PEOPLE CHANT, "OBAMA". PLEASE PEOPLE, CHANT, "USA USA". HE IS NOT BIGGER THAN THE POSITION, HE HAS BEEN ELECTED TO SERVE, THE COUNTRY HE REPRESENTS, OR THOSE WHO HAVE SERVED BEFORE HIM. USA USA USA!

Now, to transition. His children were adorable. I liked Rick Warrens prayer. I was glad to hear the President say that it is the individual's responsibility to help get our country back on it's feet collectively and as individuals and to not wait for the government to save us. I kind of felt good for Biden in some weird kind of way. Maybe it's because we won't see him for the next 4-8 years.

And on to hope. To see that many people excited for our country and to be a part of it's revival is amazing. The social significance would not be lost on even Archie Bunker. Yet, more than that (if it's ok that I say that) I am moved by the hope that others have. I hope it's not another example of how we come together for a while and then go backwards (think back to how patriotic we all were after 9/11 and how it all fizzled into nothing). I do not believe that the President has the right ideas and/or policies to move us forward. I agree with him in almost nothing. He is my President and I will recognize him as such and support him when I agree with him. My hope though, lies in the 2 million in attendance that day and the millions who are excited for this administration and for this country for the first time in their lives. My prayer is that they remain committed to their part in supporting this country even when this administration begins to make it look more like Europe and less like the founding fathers intended it to be. My hope is in America. She is resilient and strong. I hope her spirit moves through those excited today and fuels them far beyond the rhetoric and excitement of a new administration.

And lastly, there was one man who got it right today. He put it all into perspective. He gets priorities. He understands that we are on the precipice of something monumental. He is ready. He support this cause. See how awesome he is here.

Tears...

I am sitting here is tears. No, Junior and Bella have not successfully injured me this time. Rather, George Bush just did something very right. I have not been his biggest fan and I am far from his worst critic. I have though been very disappointed by many of his decisions. Today, he made me cry.
When presidents leave office, they typically pardon a ton of people. Sadly, many of these pardons are for the wrong and/or shady reasons. Google "FALN terrorists" or "Marc Rich" if you are a conservative or consider pardons for those involved with Iran Contra and Richard Nixon if you are a liberal.
Today, President Bush commuted the sentences of border guards Ramos and Compean. Who are they? They are two US border guards who bravely did their jobs and fought off an attack from a mexican drug lord. However, our border guards are not allowed to do their jobs and are restricted from defending themselves let alone our country due to the bureaucratic BS that they have to put up with. So, they were sent to prison for not following the bureaucratic BS. The drug lord? Read what happened to him here...and the whole incident as well.
So, today they are free men. Well, not entirely free. They will be let out of prison in March. They are not pardoned and thus will keep their felon label with them. Had they been pardoned they would be free to work in law enforcement again. Something is better than nothing.
So I sit, well now...sat, here in tears. Two heroes will be back with their wives and families. For a moment, this country worked the way it should...or at least didn't work the way it usually does (as in what happened to them originally). There is hope...which bring me to....not now, not yet.

By the way, what do you call 51 guys watching the super bowl eating nachos alongside 2 guys watching the super bowl eating nachos through a straw? The Baltimore Ravens.

I just didn't see it coming.

There are just some things you don't expect to experience as a father...
1. Junior eating his first gumball out of a machine and saying ten minutes later, "It's good and all...just not like it was when I first got it though." Ah yes my son. There will be many more disappointments to come my son.
**Note** The Oedipus complex is straight for real. For those of you who don't know me very well, my kids have been trying to kill me since they were able. My left "boy" (as in "I got hit in the "boys"") is the size of a kiwi fruit due to Junior and 'Bella hitting it over the years. They have recently begun an assault on "righty". That being said...
2. Trey thumbed me in the eye and scratched at least my eye if not my soul today.
3. Junior getting out of the bathtub and saying, "Hey! When I jump up and down my penis bounces with me!"...and proceeding to jump up and down 300 times while giggling. Pan over to Rachel trying not to laugh by hiding behind a t-shirt she was folding (ala Randy Jackson hiding behind a piece of paper).
4. Junior praying before bed and saying, "Thank you Jesus that we have a great day tomorrow." Was he confused and should have said, "We pray Jesus that we would have a great day tomorrow."? Or is he in a beautiful childlike state and thanking Him knowing it to be true for it is God's Will? Out of the mouth of babes.
5. Bella praying every night and making not a bit of sense no matter how she is encouraged or directed. Not one identifiable word.
6. Junior finishing his prayer with the sweetest, "I love you Jesus." melting my heart.
7. Junior leaning over and whispering into Bella's ear two minutes later while I was praying and saying how thankful I was for their love for each other, "My prayer was longer than yours." to Bella.
8. Being momentarily excited over a two hour delay until realizing that Trey is not aware of that nor does he care and will be up in six hours regardless...sigh.

Dreaming or drifting?......

So I'm torn. There is a dream inside of me that God has clearly placed there. He has planted it, watered it, shed light upon it, pruned it, protected it, fed it, and brought it along. I know the end result...well, most of it. It's the in between where I am stuck, pondering. I am stuck balancing bold steps of faith (some of you laugh at that given what I've been through) against the reality of practicality. Where is the center point? When the God of all creation whispers in your ear, "make a plan and I will bless it." you feel blessed and comforted beyond all imagination. Yet, I seek more. I want to say, "About that Lord, how exactly do you want that plan to look? Will you bless even the dumbest parts of a plan? Will you only bless that which fits your design that I need to seek? Could it possibly mean, "I have given you a vision Jay. Don't sweat the details, we are going there together. Don't focus on the little stuff, we have big things to do."?". I suppose. I hope so. I just don't know. I'm not fretting, which is nice. Just washing back and forth in a temporary sea of uncertainty. God has blessed me too much to fret now. There are too many people that we are going to (and have) blessed. Just got to get back with Him on maybe just a couple of the details...for now.

Not everything is life changing serious...

Note to the Pittsburgh sports world. I have a few things for you to know...
1. It is not "Steeler Nation". There is only "Raider Nation". For every pro, college, HS, AAU, or Disney on Ice organization that uses the term "nation" I say....STOP IT! If you must, the Steelers can use the term "Country". There was a big banner at the Steeler games dating back to the 70's that said, "You are in: STEELER COUNTRY". I will allow that.
2. Steelers is pronounced (Steel' ers). If you are well versed and a habitual user of Pittsburghese then you may pronounce it (Still' ers). Under no circumstance may you use the bastardized Pittsburghese pronounciation of (Stiw' ers). Too many people from this region have sunk to new lows by replacing the letter "l" with a "w" ("Mira coow Moww shopping center" as an example, "Ow a gainy wi ver buww a vard" as another).
3. Stop saying "we" when you reference your favorite team and dying when they lose. Hines Ward does not lose sleep when you have a bad day at work, you shouldn't when he does either.
4. Matt Cavenaugh is dead. His doppleganger who knows nothing about offense or football has been coaching the Pitt offense for the past 3 or 4 years.
5. The Penguins....sigh.

New blessings and time tested truth.

Rachel and I were talking last night. We were going over our evening and how our first small group for marriage went. It was great leading it and my passion for helping marriages operate the way God intended is growing everyday. It is helped and deepened by the way God continues to open my eyes and break my heart by showing me how many people have marriages that just don't work. God intended for us to be the solution to His first problem. Adam was alone. He had perfect communion and fellowship with God, but he was alone so he gave him Eve (He did not solve Adam's aloneness with more of Himself). The spouse was created to be God's primary provision of His love to his/her spouse. Do you see that? Sadly, it's rare. In God's great design, we were created to be married so we wouldn't be alone. Yet, when things aren't right in a marriage, you can't imagine feeling lonelier.
So there we were last night beginning a huge journey. Each couple has their story. Each one has what the world would say is a good relationship...and they do. Yet, God has so much more for them. The amazing thing is that He chose me to be a part of showing them...so blessed.
Rachel and I moved on in conversation to the time in our life when we were in the same stage of relationship as each of the couples. Wow. It's only been 12 years since we met but time goes by quickly. Things change. The night before I was not in a good way. I had begun to process some really difficult things earlier in the day. I then got some bad news a bit later. Then, I overreacted at something that happened that evening when we had some company. It wasn't the, "I'm not wrong, up yours!" kind of overreaction. I kept it contained and knew from the getgo that I was overreacting and it was because I had started to heal some hurts earlier in the afternoon. I was sensitive and vulnerable. Rachel was there not to react to my overreaction, but to comfort me and come by my side. She let God use her to fill my need for comfort. Thank you Lord...thank you Rachel.
One day later (last night) I was on cloud nine. So excited from a start to a whole new avenue for the Lord to work through me/us. So much can change over 12 years, even 24 hours. He doesn't though...never does. That I know to be true.

I'm back...again.

Ok, so I was back in June after I had weathered the new baby storm. Now, I am back after several other storms. What storms you say? Well, if you don't know then it's one of two things. 1. You are not that close to me (blunt? perhaps but these are very personal storms). 2. You are too close to me and I haven't had the opportunity or right words to say to you to completely fill you in. Also, it could be that I just don't know how to tell you everything that happened in such a way that it could make sense to you.
A very good friend of mine and brother in Christ, Terry Colobrese (so close I may have misspelled his last name) once said to me, "Jay, I would never want to go through what I've gone through ever again. Yet, I wouldn't ever give up what I've learned." I now know what he was talking about...and more. You see, I would go through it again. I now know my/our Lord and Savior in such a deep and intimate way, I understand so much more of life, I know exactly what God wants from and for me, more than ever before. I would go through it again...and I'm sure to a degree, though through different circumstances, I will.
I will be posting a lot of the things that I've learned so that you too can share in the blessings that God has (warning: church word ahead) bestowed upon me. I will start with just one of them.
God delights in you. Yes, He loves you. Yes, He cares for you. Further, He DELIGHTS in you. Not what you have done, not how you have performed for Him, not what you have said or anything like that...He simply delights in you. That's why He made you. That's why He died for you. That's why He is ready and waiting to love you and meet your every need. That's why on your worst day He is crying with/for you. That is why He eagerly waits to hear from you.
Now, is that really news? Did I not know that? Sure, my left brain (the analytical side) knew that. Heck, I've probably told many of you that. But I get it. I really get it. You see, I was burdened by my performance for Him. I believed He loved me and I repaid Him (a flaw in and of itself in my own theology for believing we can repay Him) by disobeying and doing things in my own strength. I could swear that His was a "yeah but" kind of love. I knew it wasn't but it always felt that way. I have been able to understand and more importantly feel His love for me. Not because of anything I have done, but because of who He is.
I will post again of more specific things I have learned. In the meantime, stop and ask Jesus, "What do you think of me?" and then sit and be quiet and listen. Those aren't your words in your head, they are His. Don't believe me? Test it. Throw in, "disappointed" or "disgusted" as if He were saying that to you. See if you don't feel Him saying, "NO"...I did. He will tell you how He feels about you in your heart. Trust it and don't excuse it away.
I will be talking to you soon. Never hesitate to give me the opportunity to love you. Call me or email me and let me know what you need...even if it's just to be there.